Teaching Sexual Etiquette: An Answer to Rape Culture

Boy parents and Girl parents:
In light of all the sexual assault allegations that have risen up in the last couple months, it’s time we think about the future we want to create for our children. What kind of world do we want our sons and daughters to live in? What kind of partners do we want our children to be for other people’s kids? What kind of partners do we want for our children? I doubt that anyone wants their child to be taken advantage of and I doubt that anyone wants their child to become a social pariah. If we envision a world where our children are accepted and loved for who they are, it means that we have to do a lot of work to create that world.

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We have to do better. We need to teach sexual conduct to our kids. It’s the 21st century not the 1600s. Sexual etiquette needs to be a part of your “birds and bees” convo. It may be uncomfortable for you. You may not have ever had a conversation like this with your own parents. These are not valid reasons to stick your head in the sand. When I think about all of the sketchy situations I was in, or the partners or people I encountered that were total jerks, I wondered what a little empathy training on their part and awareness training on my part could have done to make our interaction a little better.

We act like sex is not a form of communication... newsflash it is. And there’s a HUGE gap in communicating our expectations to potential partners. There’s a huge lack in respect and empathy. There’s a misguided belief system set up that ignores power dynamics and trading sex for favors, security, marriage proposals, a job, wealth, love, acceptance, etc. Men and Women are often dishonest in communicating their desired outcomes for sex. And when the fall out occurs we (men and women) feel hurt, used, confused, abused, controlled, lied to…

Empower your kids to actually have the courage and impetus to REJECT someone.
Empower your kids to actually have the courage and impetus to also ACCEPT being rejected.

Knowledge is power and fortunately for 21st century parents, knowledge is readily available everywhere. There’s no excuse for ignorance or generational misunderstandings, or the excuse that it’s always been this way. Our society is aggressively letting us know that “the way it’s always been” isn’t working. There’s Google search and there are books out there to educate you. Teaching respect and empathy; teaching open and honest communication with partners; teaching how to say “no” very clearly; teaching how to fully hear “no”; teaching how to respect the human body (theirs and others); are invaluable tenets no matter what our belief systems are, no matter what we feel or think about sex and sexuality. 

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Know any awesome books on teaching consent, sex education, relationships, or communication to kids? Share titles and links in the comments!