Quality Time, Quality Life

How often do you get to sit alone and just be? Do you take time for yourself to do nothing? Do you take time out of your schedule to do the things you love? Do you feel like your family respects you and your time? If you answered "no" to all of these questions there is a big problem brewing...

I'm sorry to sound bias but many moms don't take time for themselves. I mean "take". I literally mean that. Often if you don't think about it, you won't be given that time... So you have to be aggressive and take that time for yourself.

I've been guilty of feeling guilty about being alone. I don't think when I was married my ExHusband had that same inclination. Not sure he felt guilty about hanging out with friends or being alone.  I respect and admire that.  I don't know what that's like and I often fantasize about it... Orgasmically even- a "no guilt in being alone" orgasm.  The thought is as fanciful as an alicorn riding the rainbow of truth.

---

A well run family functions like a good team.  Adults sacrifice for each other and the kids.  The kids sacrifice for each other and the adults as well.  This can't happen if you don't communicate your needs.  Make sure everyone kids and parents, have scheduled alone time/me time.  Make sure that everyone gets the opportunity to have their needs met and dreams actualized and understood.  Take turns in creating opportunities for happiness for each member of the family. Team work makes the dream work and it makes everyone feel loved, appreciated and accepted.  But this still requires everyone to put in a little work, communication and sacrifice.

I'm all about self improvement-" what can I do to make it better?".  I've worked hard to put aside feelings of guilt to do some of the things I enjoy. It's hard, but if you don't, you'll be resentful and bitter. And who will catch the brunt of that toxic concoction?  The kids.  Your kids won't know if you've given up everything for them unless you tell them because you're bitter. And in many ways, becoming a new person and giving up some of your old ways is part of the amorphous process of parenting. Growth is good, but you shouldn't have to give up the most amazing things about who you are when you become a parent.  Finding ways to integrate and pass on those traits may actually make you a better parent and person. 

Acknowledge any feelings of anger, hurt or frustration.  Being honest with yourself is the first step to leading a fulfilling life and being the best parent you can be.   Growth is hard, but it does not mean you have to remind everyone you're growing.  Kids are out living their kiddie lives. Respect that. Rekindle (or don't lose) the things you love- your kids will respect you more when you're happy.  In my effort to prevent my kids from going to counseling because of me, I work to be happy so that I don't always feel like they are crushing my dreams.  They definitely do sometimes... But that's part of being a good parent, sacrificing some things, not everything, so that your kids can have a good life.