Adult Birthdays... What Do They Mean?

As an adult, the excitement and appeal of birthdays begins to wear off because you're faced with the reality that you're nearing the end.  Not at all in the morbid sense, but in a realistic sense.  As the clock ticks it forces one closer to their parents' point of view than ever were before and the 30s is the gateway to this vantage point. You experience yourself reaching the milestones you watched your parents reach when you were a kid.  I remember being a backseat driver to my mother's 32nd birthday.  I was 10 and I told myself I never wanted kids... ever.  But looking at my own "32", made me realize the life choices which led to where I am today. Knowing what I do, I may not have had that same conviction in retrospect.  

So how did I ring in my personal new year? Staying up past midnight on the phone with my sister, cleaning house and vibing out like an adult with Birthday Cake Oreos and white wine.  Yep I'm a damn adult... I was dipping those bad boys into a glass of Moscato that was poured into a used sippy cup.  Completely unashamed of my behavior, I used the opportunity to reflect on the hardships, the joys, the struggles and the victories that were year 31. 

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I sat on my sofa, my house was all jacked up from "cleaning" and I thought back on  the past year.  What an incredible whirlwind! I'm not the person I was a year ago. I've failed at most things, succeeded in others, lost things, gained others and I must say I'm not too mad. I lived the year under the auspice of life as an adventurous challenge.  And although a lot of life doesn't go as planned, I am eternally grateful for the things I've learned about myself and others this last 365.25 days. 

Looking a head I've decided to make less promises and even fewer plans; save more money and eliminate debt; invest in my potential while allowing my children to flourish. And although some of these things seem to have some polarity, I've also realized that it's the tension and dissonance that makes my life most interesting and worth living fully. If things were perfect I'd be pretty boring.  So, I can't be great at everything.  I can't be everything to everyone.  While I can forgive others, I need to reserve some of that for myself.  I can't pretentiously believe that I deserve a certain life if I'm not ready for it.  I've got more to learn and as much as I feel this in my soul, God/The Universe is not out to get me... I don't think.  

I must be what I want to see in the world.  We are a mirror of your works. If we see love it means we've given or spread love.  Fortunately I get to see a lot of love on a regular basis. I'd be ungrateful not to acknowledge that.  Sometimes you don't think what you do for others means much, but it does. We mean most to the people in our spheres. It's the connections we make with others that defines who we are.  I can't take my life for granted.  We're all here to serve in some capacity and we must never forget that.  I'm so eternally grateful to have had so many amazing people take part in my journey. And that they consider me when they reflect on their own means even more.