My younger two got to spend the night with grandma and although I love my oldest daughter I experienced an odd feeling of emptiness. It was painful. I was enjoying my older child's company and adult like exchanges (she's 5 but really 16). It was a relief for her because she could be "free". But it was still odd fixing food for two people and drawing a bath for one kid- that was weird because it felt like I was wasting water.
The whole time both of us relished in our collective loneliness and the silence of our home. The younger two definitely bring the controversy and the fire and the drama. I took my daughter to school in the morning... We were on time because no one fell out in tears because they could not color their boots in another color. We weren't late because no one chose to mix their breakfast together and make a facial. We were early because we didn't have people fighting over the order of who was getting in the car second. It was a smooth and boring morning.
My daughter looked at me and said, "See mom, this was so easy this morning. It's better to be the only one."
I said, "yeh that's true, but wasn't it really boring?".
She says, "yeh it was...". We were both silent as we crunched on the leaves on the stairs leading to her school.
"I miss them" I say.
She says,"yeh, me too".
I kept thinking why do I feel like this? It wasn't that I missed the individuals... I missed the package.