I woke up to a text notification on my phone. It was my 8 year old daughter. Yes, my third grader has an iPhone. In fact, my kids are digital natives. They play video games, they use handheld devices, they participate in Hour of Code (well after it’s over), and being from a family of engineers and technical people, the expectation is that they too will contribute to our growing digital world. That’s why I’m constantly talking with them about the dangers that await them on the other side of the screen.
“Don’t text random numbers...it’s not safe” / “What do you mean” “Random Numbers = anyone you aren’t 100% sure is on the other side of the phone” / “But you are you” “How do you know it’s even me? Even if you know it’s someone you know, ask for proof. I could’ve lost my phone and someone is texting all my numbers” / “Good point” “Seriously if you provide it, someone could use your location or other info and then kill you” (maybe a bit dramatic but she got the point) After texting pleasantries back and forth, I FaceTimed my daughter to talk more about the proper modes of internet communication. “You must realize, that anonymity, or the idea of being nameless, gives people the courage to go out and say or do whatever they want on the internet”. She innocently asked why and so I asked her what the benefit would be. She explained that because you are not seen or maybe because you can’t get caught you can do whatever you want. Bingo. We talked about why that is dangerous and what we can do to make sure we don’t get tricked by people who are pretending to be someone else. The experiences and dangers I faced as a kid are nothing compared to what my own kids will face. That’s why we must talk about everything. Internet usage for kids 13 and under should be closely monitored. For kids 14-17, there should be a consistent check in and reevaluation of your values, your expectations, your rules and regulations, and the dangers that await them on the other side of their screen. The more honest and open we are with our children about the dangers of the internet, the better they will be at facing the challenges that await 21st century (digital) kids. Read more about "Stranger Danger":
Someone Tried Us Teaching Kids to Be Safer and Smarter Dear Other Moms Who Want Playdates
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Hetero-version... I can only authentically write my own experiences... However, I want to make sure in this post that people don't assume that by writing "marriage", I mean hetero = normal = marriage. It's 2016 ya'll. I'm a firm believer in modeling behavior for children... so when my oldest said to me "mom I never want to be married" I couldn’t help but feel a bit like I’d failed her… like we failed her. I can't blame her. I never wanted to be married (you can read more in this post I wrote on “Broken Homes”), but when I did get married, I wanted to give it a fair shake. I didn’t want to enter with the idea that it would ultimately fail. I wanted to be wrong about my feelings and what I’d known to be true. But I was right. Marriage is not for the selfish at heart. It's no secret my marriage has had it's questionable moments. We separated for years and then recently have tried to give it another go. Our second go-round hasn’t been perfect, it’s a work in progress. I had hoped that by living honestly, my daughter may think that relationships require work, not magic fueled by a dystopic 1950 Disney “happily ever after”... I’m always thinking of what I can do to give my kids a better advantage than I had. Ultimately that’s what any decent to great parent wants- their kids’ lives to be better than their own. My husband is a pretty decent self trained musician. He’s dabbled in various types of bands and he has a passion for music and electronic music equipment. One day I noticed him meticulously show our oldest daughter how to tune a guitar. How interesting? He was working hard at showing her how to listen; how to turn the strings; how to hold the guitar. She sat quietly as he went through the quick lesson. I ended up leaving them as they worked on a very easy set of melodic chords. Lately, I've been training our kids in the morning to get up and run (rain or shine) in an effort to establish a healthy relationship with running and discipline. As a former athlete, maybe it’s my expectation that they’ll love sports, but really I just want them to experience what it’s like to set a goal; make a sacrifice; work with others; and feel small and large accomplishments. |
I'm a former teacher and former college athlete, currently working to make life more equitable for all people. My mission is to get parents to partner with their child's teacher.
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