There are so many wonderful life lessons that arise from athletic competition, but teaching kids when to turn their competitive drive on and off is an important part of having an emotionally balanced physically active child. We cannot pretend that competition is not part of human life. We compete for lovers, jobs, grades, and resources... Life is therefore one big competition. Keeping it in perspective is what makes competition an effective life teacher rather than a life leader. Here are a few tips to teach kids about competition:
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I don't care how old you are happiness is an illusive commodity. Why so? We get caught up in the idea of what life should be or how things are not the way we want them to be and therefore we lose sight of the present possibilities. But when we really reflect, there are so many more opportunities to participate in happiness rather than be unhappy. You can choose: a life that is hard, challenging and dark; or a life that’s vibrant, discoverable and warm. Your emotional state is all up to you.
Everyday I re-learn how to be happy and honestly I’m even motivated to be happier because of my kids. They show me that pure and genuine joy can be found in the smallest things. That life’s uncertainties are not something to fear, but something to look forward to with awe and wonder. Life is magical. Life is fleeting. Life is a quest. I often find myself around a corner eavesdropping on their moments of imagination to get a dose a pure joy. My kids don't tell me they're happy, they show me. When they are happy they sing to themselves. This reminds me that ultimately we were created to be instruments of delight; like a tuning fork vibrating love and good cheer. So many people have forgotten this because their lives have distracted them from the greatness around them. When they are happy they hug everyone. Being happy is all about sharing that joy with others. Happiness is a virus that you want to share because it makes you feel awesome that someone else feels awesome too. When my kids are happy they show me cool stuff. My two year old says, “Look mommy, look. Isn’t that awesome?”. When you’re happy you are open to discovering everything around you. You see color more vibrantly and hear sounds more clearly. You are satiated by the desire to be connected spiritually to life. What moments do I live for? When I hear a contra soprano hum of oddly mumbled, melodic narration; when I am shown another squirrel, bird or blade of grass; when my kids squeeze me and whisper something inaudible in my ear (probably I love you)... I know my kids are happy. That is what I live for. That, makes me happy. If I could be completely honest, I'm getting divorced. Yep. I tried not to talk about it too much but I think it is a part of my life journey, so I have decided to no longer deny myself the luxury and relief of actually saying it and pursuing it. It's not that my future ex-husband (FeX) were horrible to each other... we were married almost 10 years and I think that growing apart is a real thing. I am a firm believer in the expiration date and because of that I've always asked myself since that is the case, then do I expect relationships to end. The answer is yes to ending, no to failing. Here are some tips for anyone thinking about, currently separated or newly divorced:
1. You aren't a failure. You're not. Neither is the other person. The planet has seasons, so does our lives. Being at peace with the "winters" and dead moments in our journey takes work and once we've worked, we've grown. So see this as an opportunity to do some social, emotional and psychological house cleaning. 2. Deal with betrayal. Whether the person cheated on you or not is kind of a mute point. The person who does the stabbing doesn't feel the pain that the person who was stabbed feels. So expecting the other person to genuinely care about your feelings is not happening. Healing takes work. But once you've worked, you've grown! 3. Invest in the future. If you have kids, you guys need to be mature enough to do what is best for them. Kids need to understand that they aren't a battleground for disagreements or revenge. Don't use your kids to hurt each other, it's distasteful and honestly do you really want to be the subject of someone's counseling session? I say if my kids are going to sit on a sofa they won't be talking about me. Side note: And don't make your kid your new spouse. A lot of mama's boys and daddy's girls are created by unhealthy relationships (not even pedophilic, but emotionally wrong) with parents. Let your kid grow up and not have the burden of being their mom's new husband or dad's new wife. 4. Go Do Something. If you're blue, go do something. Don't bury yourself in your work or denial, but do something new to get you experiencing life. You'll meet yourself again. Depending on how long you were married, you may have forgotten how awesome you are. 5. No Jealousy. Yes, your FeX or ex may be out there giving it to everyone and anything that walks and dragging themselves distastefully into the ground. As long as they do not involve your kids in their grossness or in their moving on, you shouldn't think about it. You shouldn't compare yourself either. Just because they did not love you does not mean they can't love someone else or that you are incapable of being loved. You're no longer together, it's for a good reason. 6. Close the Chapter. Move on. If you're separated, get that divorce or get back together. Don't drag it out for years. Take that relationship to the guillotine! Once you've made your decision, it's time to jump off that cliff and fly into the unknown abyss of your new and probably awesome life. 7. Get Support. I'm independent but when you're going through something like this, you need support. Lean on family and friends appropriately. Don't be an energy vampire, but it is ok to talk to your sister for an hour about some BS that happened and Oh, my God... blah blah blah. Just don't have your life take over theirs. Also make sure you show appreciation to your support network. Surprise them with some flowers or something once in a while to show them you're grateful to have people around who are holding you up as you limp through this social, emotional and psychological minefield. It's a hard choice to make if you've been married a while, but sometimes it's better to just do it than live in misery forever. Relationships should not be jails, they are the playgrounds of our social and emotional development. Treat each other with mutual respect and put your children first... if you can do that, everything else will be much easier. |
I'm a former teacher and former college athlete, currently working to make life more equitable for all people. My mission is to get parents to partner with their child's teacher.
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